I had a friend tell me that women should be more open about the challenges of raising kids. I have to ask the question why are women so secretive? Before you say you are not I want you to take a moment to reflect on all of the things you say about your kids to other moms...I will be the first to admit if I have to listen to another mom tell me that their newborn is the best thing that ever happened and they don't know how they lived life before...I might throw my son's Binky at them. Can't we be honest and admitt that a newborn is not always that blissful? If you are one of those lucky people that have an easy baby good for you but do us a favor that aren't so lucky and don't rub it in. Instead we need to be more supportive of each other. Better yet we need to talk to each other and feel okay admitting that it is hard without the fear of being judged you are bad mother.
I was watching "Tori and Dean Home Sweet Hollywood" (god help me there was nothing else on) last night and a pregnant Tori, mother of two, told her pregnant friend who was about to have her first baby that motherhood was the best thing that ever happened to her and having a baby was so wonderful. OK let's pause the DVR and rewind, what she should of said is "Yes, having children is a wonderful blessing- but it is OK at feel overwhelmed sometimes and when you toddler is puking and the baby is crying at the same time it is OK to question what the heck you are doing. That you are not a failure as a mother and it does get easier but don't be afraid to ask for help from your friend or your husband." Which means ladies we need to be more open to helping and listening to our friends. Fight the urge to provide helpful advice on how great of mom you are when you really should confess you have been there.
In two weeks, I return to work and I will admit that I am excited. Yep, that's right judge me all you want but staying at home is not for me. I appreciate and admire those that take on that challenge but I will admit that I can't do it. To be honest a lot of my self validation and identity is tied up in my job. Before I left for maternity leave someone made me question myself. To be honest that was devastating. I started to question everything from my ability to be a mother, a good wife and an effective leader. Another good friend told me that "he who angers us has power over us" and she was sadly right. I was so angry that I had lost the ability to take a step back and see the forest from the trees. I have had now seven weeks to do a lot of self reflection. What I have learned is that its not the fall that is going to kill you it's the lack of confidence in yourself that will.
So I write this blog in hopes that there are a few other people out there that can relate and realize that we all can do a better job supporting each other. But more importantly that I encourage you to take a look in the mirror and give yourself permission to admit its OK to need help sometimes, that you are a great parent, that you are doing a good job at work, that you will be a good friend to someone in need and most importantly that it is OK to have confidence in yourself.
As a post script to my blog the boys are doing well. Hayden has had some interesting eatting issues which have lead us to pretty much the most expensive formula on the market also know as "the college fund of formula." Luckly that has seem to do the trick and hopefully he will grow out of it. Hayden passed the hearing test with flying colors which is great news. He still doesn't sleep that great but I am determined to win that battle if that means his nursery moves to the basement...kidding...well maybe not:) Colin is a typical toddler who continues to find ways to try our patients but is cute enough that we don't sell him on Ebay. In the last two weeks he has had pink eye and the flu. A helpful tip from me to you is to make sure you put on your glasses before you go to help your crying child it will help you avoid putting your hand in chunky puke. Yuck! So until next time...
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