My "To Do" List

It is planning time at work which means we are deciding the budget, creating a forecast and overall predicting the end of the world...OK that is extreme but it sometimes feels like we are about as accurate.  This process is also a good time to do a little self-reflection on how things are going both from a work and personal perspective.  I often review my master "To Do List" of things I wanted to get done this year and wonder if I even looked at the list during the year since it is so woefully incomplete.  Did I really think I would get my Five Year Plan for Underwriting put together THIS year...I really did plan on getting all of the closets cleaned out and actually unpack the boxes from our move two years ago...sigh...there is always next year. 

That is the funny thing about lists they never seem to be complete. We are constantly adding to them just like we often keep piling on the pressure as a working mom to be perfect and to be everything to everyone.  A lot of this pressure is self-imposed and I really don't believe there are conversations going on behind closed doors judging me because I work and send my children to daycare.  Rather these conversations happen more in the form of jabs of passive aggressive comments in front of me...like how is Colin "handling" daycare...this was asked by a male customer.  After he told me it must be hard to leave him everyday.  Really how am I to respond to that?  Colin is doing great by the way, we met with his teacher this week and she explained what they would be learning in the 2 year old room...how to count to 10 in English, Spanish and Mandarin (yep I said Mandarin).  Along with their colors in all 3 languages...hmmm...not sure how much help Kyle and I are going to be on the Mandarin front.  The funny thing is that the teacher asked Colin to say her name in Mandarin and he said it like it was no big deal. 

So as you can see Colin is wonderful.  We are getting his hearing aids on October 5th.  I think they are going to make a big difference in his communication.  We met with Lynn from Hands and Voices who will serve as our Co-Hear coordinator.  The program is amazing and is going to provide us great resources to help Colin not get behind although he does speak more languages then Kyle but...whatever:)  We are deciding if we are going to learn some sign-language to help Colin communicate more effectively.  He is being assessed on October 25th by Child Find/Developmental Pathways to decide what specific type of assistance he will need which could include everything from speech therapy, physical therapy etc. 

His soon to be brother Hayden is growing like a weed.  We had an ultrasound on Tuesday to make sure his left kidney was growing like is was intended.  At our 20 week appointment the tech felt the kidney needed further monitoring.  The good news is the kidney is now within normal range and he is already weighing 3lbs 8oz and I have gained 17 pounds.  Which is huge progress from the prior pregnancy since I barely gained 20lbs total with Colin. 

So as I review my "To Do" list and make plans for the upcoming year, I comforted by the fact that there is always next year and amazingly life seems to go one without my Five Year Plan for Underwriting, the closet door can just stay shut and whatever is in the unpacked boxes I must not really need.  Just like I probably really don't need the list...

Passenger Bill of Rights

Last week I went to Salt Lake City, UT for a work trip.  First of all if you have never been to Salt Lake City it really is an experience.  It is very similar to traveling to another country...seriously.

My first customer visit was on Tuesday morning as soon as I got off the plane.  When we meet with our agents (our customers) often they share with us what they wish we would do from an insurance perspective i.e. wish we would write this, be cheaper, cover this etc.  So this first customer tells me that she really wished we would cover hearing aids...seriously I am looking around thinking am I being filmed.  So I took a deep breath and willed myself not to burst into tears and said what a great idea and proceeded to tell this complete stranger about my son.  So began the healing process. 

All week I practiced telling people and each time it got a little easier and I began to accept it a little more.  On my way home we had an issue with a light not working on the plane and the captain got on to announce due to the "Passenger Bill of Rights" we had the right to get off the plane to use a "real" bathroom (his words not mine). 

Sitting in the waiting room today waiting for Colin's appointment I saw a brochure that outlined the "Patients Bill of Rights" and just that morning the news was talking about the "Bill of Rights."  It seemed like everywhere around me someone or something was talking about "rights."  It struck me funny today as I was sitting there in the waiting room that we have all of these rights but yet nothing is guaranteed. 

I have the right to get off the plane but the airline doesn't have to guarantee me that they will take-off, I have the right to refuse treatment but they can't guarantee me they will heal me and that I have the right to complain or feel bad but in the end aren't we all lucky.  I am lucky that I eventually got home in one piece from Utah and Kyle and I very lucky to have such a sweet and funny child in Colin.  I think for the first time today and after telling about 10 strangers last week that things are going to be ok, Colin was going to be ok and in the end we all were going to be ok. 

Our appointment went well today.  Colin got fitted for his hearing aids after some issues with wax in the ear (gross- Kyle is a saint).  They took a mold of his ear and we picked out a hearing aid.  He tried it on and was very proud of it.  I was totally amazed how small they actually are...they are definitely not the hearing aids our grandparents wore.  We finally got an appointment with the Children's Hearing Clinic in December, 3 days before my due date.  I must confess that I actually thought to myself well if I go into labor Kyle can take Colin to the appointment he was there for the last birth...ok really that was one of my not so smart thoughts.  The Hearing Clinic provides us with every resource from speech therapy to genetic testing (that ship has sailed I would say).  We still have a lot of questions around if his hearing will get worse, what caused it etc and still are working on these answers.  But things are off to a good start and I am reminded it is the little things that keep us going and we all have the right to take a time-out and be thankful.

Believing What You Hear

I thought I would try my hand at actually using my English degree; however, you will find that I didn't actually take a writing class in college (unless you count the business writing class) to suffice my requirements...so the likely hood this goes beyond family interest is slim.  The real reason I wanted to start this blog was so I could share and update everyone on Colin and soon Hayden while trying to make it all work with two full-time working parents.  I think mostly though this blog is to help with the healing and most importantly the acceptance process.

My first post will share the details of Colin's diagnoses last week of having moderate to severe hearing loss. 

On Monday morning, Kyle and I took Colin to Children's Hospital in Parker to having what is called a double audiology test.  Which is in essence having two audiologist complete the screening (one doing the test with one in the booth trying to assist since Colin is so young).  Unfortunately, the results were not what we wanted.  Colin of course could care less he was having a blast at the doctor's office playing with dinosaurs and exploring.  I can't say that I took the news that well. It felt like my heart broke into a million pieces...everything that we had been hoping would not be true suddenly became our reality.  Colin will need to have hearing aids for both ears...oh did I forget to mention probably won't be covered by insurance...another topic for another blog.  However, they are optimistic that with hearing aids he will be able to make great progress towards speaking and communicating like a hearing person.  The audiologist also said Colin must be very bright...of course...due to the fact he is doing so well communicating despite his issues with his hearing.

We have another appointment this Wednesday and I am now armed with a list of questions.  I will post again with an update on Wednesday.